Dear Life

Dear Insomnia,
Please go away and actually let me rest for once. I can't do this 3-hours of sleep per night thing anymore. Really, just go away and let me count sheep, and get my beauty sleep and wake up feeling refreshed and rested the next morning. Can't you go and bother some college student who's had 5 Red Bulls in the last hour just so he/she can stay up and study/party/do whatever and leave me alone. Really, your presence in my life right now is not wanted, nor is it appreciated. I need my sleep!!!

Dear Bathroom Remodel,
Will you please just hurry up and happen? We bought a 2 bathroom home for a reason, and it's really inconvenient that currently the only usable thing in my bathroom is my toilet. Can't I just snap my fingers or wiggle my nose and have the perfect tile, the perfect vanity, the perfect window, the perfect mirror and the most fabulous dual-headed shower just magically appear in my now gutted bathroom while I am sleeping? And while you are at it, can you make the bedroom remodel happen as well? Oh, and can you find the perfect paint color for me as well, because really, pregnant women should not make decisions about paint. It's not in anybody's best interest (trust me, I learned this one the hard way).

Dear Annoying Neighbor who has decided that "mi casa es su casa",
Mi casa es MI CASA...oh yeah, and my husband is not your best friend. Please respect our personal space. Just because the garage door is open and you can see that my husband and son are playing in the backyard, this does not mean that it is an open invitation for you and your stupid little dog to join them. I'd really hate for you to get in trouble for trespassing (despite my husband's loving reminders that you are our neighbor and that I really do need to remain civil with you). Speaking of your dog, please keep him from using our lawn and our bushes as his own private bathroom, or at least have the decency to clean up after him when he does so (and don't try to deny this...our friends saw the little mutt use our bushes to relieve himself, pointed it out to you TWICE and you blatantly ignored them). AJ works really hard to keep our front yard looking nice, small as it is. We don't have the luxury of having the extra money to pay for gardeners, like you do, so RESPECT THE LAWN. Oh yeah, and when you see AJ mowing said lawn, or demoing our bathroom, leave him alone. He has work to do, and Keegan and I have limited time with him on the weekends. Every second you spend "talking" to him and butting into our personal and private lives is a second that we don't get with him, so seriously, get a life.

Dear little baby currently residing in my belly,
Please cooperate next week when we try and see if you are a boy or a girl. I really, really, really want to know, so that I can truly start preparing for your arrival this summer. And while we are at it, will you please stop moving around at 3 a.m. ? Granted, I'm aware that with the current insomnia that I'm dealing with, I'm already awake, so you aren't really doing that much harm, but I really would like it if you were a little more active during the daylight hours and a little less so during the nighttime ones. Oh yeah...and no more kicking your older brother when he happens to be snuggling with me before he finally drifts off into dreamland. Yes, I know that he can't feel it at the moment, but it's not going to be that way forever. Besides, I've stopped him from patting you through my belly, so now it's your turn to cooperate. You'll have plenty of time to torment him once you are born.

Dear pregnancy weight gain,
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE do not turn into 50 pounds like my last pregnancy. Truth be told, I'd really like to keep it to no more than half that this time around. It's going to be hot this summer, and I really don't want to be dragging around 50 extra pounds to the beach and pool. I'm already going to look like a beached whale, so help a sister out will ya? And once this little baby is born, please promptly remove yourself from my premises. I'll have a hard enough time getting rid of the leftover weight from pregnancy #1, and I really don't want any extra baggage from you.

Dear crazy pregnancy dreams,
Please see above note to Insomnia. Your presence is no more wished for than his, so back off and leave me alone. I'm sick of dreams (when I'm actually able to sleep) about gila monsters (all because a stupid lizard took up residence in my home for a few days) and other things that just seem all to real. Just walk away and let me count some sheep, will you?

Dear family who I don't get to talk to often enough,
I love you and miss you all and wish that we were closer. Val, thanks for the fabulous way of blogging and venting. It's been very therapeutic and I might be able to sleep tonight (here's hoping at least). Becky, how is the hand? Hopefully it is feeling better. Let us know if we can help in anyway. Julie, I promise I will call you tomorrow (hopefully before you even see this), and for that matter, I promise to call all of you soon. Really, I need to catch up on all of your lives.

Dear friends,
Ditto to all that I said to my family. I really am trying to be better about keeping in touch and returning phone calls and emails, and I'm well aware that I still have a long way to go.