Plans...Schmans...

When we were talking about whether or not to induce, a friend of mine commented that knowing her luck, she'd try and schedule a date and her baby would just end up coming when he/she wanted, without regards to the plans that have been made. I should have taken that to heart and considered it a warning.

So much for the best laid plans, because apparently my son wanted to let me know that the only schedule that mattered was the one that he was on and that it for sure did not have any room for negotiation. I really thought that we were safe...I mean, Keegan was 2 days past his 40-week due date, so I really didn't see a problem with scheduling to induce me 9 days before my due date this time around...and then my water broke Tuesday morning, changing all of our best laid, and carefully thought out plans (the ensuing scramble to get a hold of AJ, who was in surgery at the time, pack my hospital bag, try and prepare Keegan for everything that was to come and not completely lose it is pretty funny and entertaining now that I'm looking back on it...not so much at the time, but thanks to Becky, I made it through).

I guess that's what I get for thinking that I have any control over my life whatsoever, because here he is...a day earlier than his parents had planned, but not a moment too soon:

Camden Jay Durfee

Born: Aug. 19, 2008 at 3:56 p.m.

Weight: 8 lb. 13 oz. (although the nurses did say that he probably weighed more when he first came out, but they took so long cleaning him up and warming him up that he peed all over them and his blankets before they put him on the scale - serves them right for taking so long to get him into my arms).

Height: 21 inches

He gave us a little scare when he came out with the cord wrapped around his neck 3 times and once around his arm (hence the nurses taking so long checking him out), but he's a little fighter who has already asserted his independence. In some ways, this has been a much easier experience the second time around, and in other's it's been harder. It's an adjustment going from Keegan and his 25 pounds or so to this teeny, tiny little baby who doesn't even seem to weigh a pound. Sometimes, I feel like I'm learning this stuff all over again, but I have to admit, I'm loving every minute of it.

We are both already home from the hospital (they let us go yesterday, something I am forever grateful to my doctor for) and are slowly settling into life as a family of four. It was hard not being at home with AJ and Keegan for 2 days, but I have to say I got pretty spoiled having Camden pretty much all to myself for those 2 days. Keegan's doing ok, which is pretty good all things considered. He's still a little more attached to his dad right now, than to his mom, but he usually gets that way when he's had a lot of one on one dada time.

More pictures will come as we get them off of other people's camera (did I mention the fact that my bag wasn't packed?), as will the updates, but for now, here's the first official family photo (thanks Mom and Dad for having your camera there!):

On a somewhat different note...couldn't they be twins...or even triplets when you consider AJ's baby picture? I mean really...the family resemblance is kind of scary.

37-ish Weeks and Counting...

And so the countdown begins. Hopefully, if things go as we have planned, I will be induced on Wednesday, August 20th. That means 7 more days filled with preparation for his arrival. That's 168 more hours before this little guy is added to our family. That's 10,080 more minutes of my life that will be filled with a myriad of emotions: fear, guilt, apprehension, hope, excitement, joy, exhaustion.

It didn't really hit me until today how much everything will change once we go from a family of 3 to a family of 4. I worry...constantly...about how this will affect Keegan. I hope that he is young enough that he won't really notice too much of a change, but I worry about how he is going to react when he has to wait, or when he has to start doing more things for himself. Right now, he is the cruise director of my day/life. When he wants something, for the most part, all he has to do is grab my hand and pull me in the direction he wants to go. That will all change, and while I know it will be good for him to learn to share a little more and to wait his turn, or to really listen when I say "no", I worry that it will somehow affect the way that he feels about me. Tonight, as AJ was taking him out of my arms where he fell asleep, Keegan stirred a little and murmured "My Momma" not once, but twice. It was the sweetest thing that I think I have heard in a long time. Usually, the last word out of his mouth as we are laying him down is "Dada". Will he no longer want his momma once I bring another little baby into our family? I worry that he will want nothing to do with me once I come home from the hospital...that he will no longer greet me with that sweet smile of his when I go to get him out of his bed in the mornings, or when he wakes up from his nap. I worry that he will no longer want to run into my arms, or lay his head against mine, or give me kisses no matter how many times in a row I ask for them. I worry that I will not be enough for him, as well as this new little baby and my husband. I worry that I will not be able to show enough love to Keegan...and that I will not be able to reassure him that he is still my whole world, even though my world has now gotten a little bigger and it includes a brother as well. He was the one that first made me a mom, and who opened my eyes to how much I could truly love someone so completely and nothing and no one could ever change that. I worry, also, that in trying to make sure that Keegan knows how much I love him that I will not be able to show that same amount of love to my husband and this new little baby of ours. Can there really be enough room in my heart for all of them? Do I really possess that endless capacity to love that I have heard so many mothers talk about? I worry that we really didn't think this whole "second baby" thing through and worry that maybe we should have waited just a little bit longer.

Along with the worry, there is the guilt. I feel guilty for changing Keegan's life at such a young age. I feel guilty for being so impatient with him lately, when it is so not his fault that I am huge and hot and exhausted. I feel guilty that I haven't given him as much attention as I feel that I should have, and I worry that I won't be able to squeeze enough "mommy and me" time in over the next 7 days. This is the last week of his life that he will be an only child...and I know that he has no clue that it is coming to an end, and it shames me with endless guilt that I am taking all that from him. I feel guilty for worrying about the ways that this little baby will change our lives in ways that we haven't even contemplated yet. I feel guilty for the added pressure that I feel this puts on AJ, who is already working so hard to make sure that I have the privilege of being at home with our children. I feel guilty that I don't tell him enough just how much I appreciate all of his hard work and all that he does for me...for all of the responsibility that he has placed upon his shoulders in order for it to not be on my own.

And yet there is this hope and wonder about what this new little baby will bring into our lives. I can't wait to meet him...to count all of his fingers and toes; to see who he looks the most like; to see whose eyes he got, or which one of our chins and nose he inherited. I can't wait to watch his own little personality develop, and to see with wonder, the world through his little eyes as he discovers this amazing world that he has been brought into. Keegan is still young enough that I remember the awe and wonder that I felt when he was first born. The amazement that this little baby was mine...that he was a part of both my husband and me. That he was created out of this amazing love that I have for my husband, and I can't wait to feel that again. I don't really have the words to describe what it feels like to hold your own, precious little baby in your arms for the first time...and I can't wait to do it all over again.

And still I fret and I worry...and the minutes just tick on by...faster I think, now that I know exactly when the end is going to be.

So Much for the Lazy Days of Summer....

I've always thought that summer was for relaxing and enjoying the nice weather and the time off from work, wchool, etc. Yeah, so much for that. We've got a busy few weeks ahead of us, and while I'm excited for all that is going on, since it will help keep my mind off of the whole "due date" issue, I can't help but get a little exhausted when I look at our calendar as well.

This past week, AJ had to go up LA to cover the X-Games for his boss who had to be here in San Diego for the Chargers football practice. His boss generously offered to get us a hotel room if Keegan and I wanted to go up with him and to get us (meaning Keegan and me since AJ had free-reign for the whole weekend) into some of the events (I guess it's one of the perks that goes with the job). I was pretty excited...we went with AJ last year and had a blast. In all my excitement, however, I forgot the fact that I was 3 1/2 weeks away from my due date, that AJ would be working which means that I had to entertain a very active 18-month-old on my own and that it was going to be STINKIN HOT in Los Angeles. Needless to say, it was a little bit harder than I thought it would be, but still totally worth it every time I caught a glimpse of the totally entranced look on my little boys face (needless to say, we have now created a monster who thinks that he is going to be allowed to skateboard, BMX bike, motorcycle ride, rally car drive, generally put his life in extreme danger of broken bones and stitches, etc. by the time he's 3). And it did give Keegan and I a chance to have some mommy and son time before we became a family of four, which is something that I have been trying to do more and more of, since I know that things will change once we add another little boy to this family, and that there will be difficult times as we all adjust to the chance.

Oh yeah, and we got to experience the stereotypical "I stayed in a flea-ridden hotel in Los Angeles" cliche. Mind you, we were at the Sheraton right by the airport (another thing that Keegan loved, since he got to watch airplanes take off and land to his hearts content) and not the Motel 6 in a red-light district, seedy part of town. It's a good thing that we didn't have to pay for the room...someone at corporate office would have received a nasty letter from me, and to be honest, I'm still considering sending one, especially when I look at Keegan's legs and see all of the healing bites (I managed to escape unscathed, thankfully). The lesson I learned from the experience....don't use the hotel cribs when you stay somewhere if you can absolutely avoid it. That's actually where I think the fleas were hanging out prior to being let loose in our room. SO GROSS!!!

Now we have a few weeks chock full of family visiting, friends visiting, renewing old friendships, the circus coming to town (I'm so excited for this one...I just need to remember to take the camera), trips to the zoo, to the wild animal park, to Sea World, to the park, a bathroom to complete (the cabinets have been ordered, the window will be ordered soon and tile is getting picked out this week), new projects to start (since we are moving the boys bedroom to a bigger one, but we want to put in better insulation first...and maybe paint if I can talk AJ into it), books to read, a baby to prepare for, oh yeah, and then the normal work/church/adult responsibility things. I can't wait!!! I love it. I can rest another time.

And just because I've had some requests for recent photos of the little guy, here are a couple of shameless ones because he's so stinkin' cute (and I recognize that I'm totally biased when I say that): (Keegan likes to have his hair done "just like daddy"...this is the result)

(one of the only times you will see a picture of me this pregnant. Try to ignore me and focus on the cute kid in my arms please)

(Keegan's favorite...the big air ramp for BMX and skateboard. At least, it was until the dirtbikes started up and then all he could say was "Vroom, Vroom, Vroom" for the rest of the day. He had already decided, by the way, that he was going to be allowed to ride all three of the aforementioned things...much to my fear and trepidation)

(such a serious expression for such a little boy)