Saying Goodbye

Losing someone is never an easy thing. I am lucky. I have not had to face losing a loved one very often in my lifetime. In fact, I can count on one hand the number of close family members that I have lost. Today, I have to add one more to that total.

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(what a handsome man he was, huh?)

My Grandpa Peterson passed away this morning, a little over one week away from what would have been his 97th birthday (I was born the day before his birthday and while I have always loved having my birthday close to both of my grandpa's this year it will be a little hard to celebrate). While we have known for a little while that his passing was near, hearing the news this morning has been hard. I wish that I was in Utah with my family. It is a bittersweet thing knowing that he is gone from our lives here, but also rejoicing in the knowledge that he is once again with his family and his loved ones who have already passed on. He is finally back with his beloved wife, my grandma, who passed away when I was 4 1/2. I can't begin to imagine how hard and how lonely the last 28 years have been.

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(this is one of my most favorite pictures of the two of them, and she's just beautiful in the picture of just her)

He was an amazing man. I will miss his gigantic bear hugs that just wrapped you up so completely in his arms. I will miss hearing his greeting of "Howdy doo" whenever he would call on the phone or when we would arrive at his house in Utah. I am sad that my kids will never experience their great-grandpa and all the love that he had to give. He knew who each of them were, in his own small way, and I love that he kept track of them all on a piece of paper. My mind is full of memories (of family reunions in Yosemite, of sliding down his stairs in sleeping bags, sliding down the grassy hill on the side of his house, and oh so many more) and a couple of regrets. Regrets of not having spent more time with him when I was up there and not getting pictures of him with both of my boys when we were there for Ben and Karen's wedding (at least I have one of him with Keegan). I felt like I didn't have the time, and I knew that we would be back at Christmas, and in my mind, I truly thought that my grandpa would live forever and always be there. If nothing else, I have learned to not wait to do the important things and to make the most of the time you might have with your loved ones.

(not the greatest picture of all of us, I know, but it's all I have and it's better than none at all)

I don't quite know how to handle grief, since I have such a limited experience with it. I am happy that he is finally at rest, but it is so hard to let go. I will try and so this is how I will start to say my goodbyes to my grandpa. I love you, I miss you, I wish I had been there to kiss you one last time and to let you know how wonderful and amazing I have always thought you were. I am glad that you are finally at peace. I love you!!

*sorry for the blurry pictures and the flash spot in two of them. They are pictures of pictures, because I don't have a scanner.