Growing Older

"Young boys should never be sent to bed, they always wake up another day older" - Johnny Depp (as J.M. Barrie in "Finding Neverland")

The boys had their checkups the other day, and while I still can't believe that I have a two-year-old, I'm equally in awe of the fact that Camden is already five months old. Wowza, where does the time go. At five months, Camden weighs 17 1/2 pounds (yeah, he's my little porker) and is 27 1/2 inches long (which puts him in the 95th percentile). He loves his toes and thinks that they are better than any toy that I could possibly give him. He is all smiles and giggles and laughter (although teething is making things a little bit rough for him for the moment) and is fascinated by his older brother. Seriously, his smile couldn't get any bigger as soon as he spies Keegan anywhere near him. If we put them even remotely close to each other Camden finds a way to latch on to Keegan's shirt or hair or anything and he won't let go. It's great to watch them in the bath together. Camden is watching Keegan who is busy splashing and playing around. I'm just hoping that Camden remembers just how much he adores his brother when he gets into the teenage years. Hopefully they will manage to stay friends and not make things too rough on their poor parents.

Keegan, at two years old, only weighs 27 1/2 pounds (and he started out so big when he was younger...but he's totally thinned out) and is 35 inches tall (which makes AJ a little scared that he won't be over 6 feet tall, which is his only requirement for our boys). He is pure boy and goes non-stop all day long. We are discovering the temper tantrums and learning to work around them (usually it's because he's hungry) and he is definitely testing his limits, but his smiles, hugs and loves and random moments of snuggles/cuddles make up for it all in the end. I wish I could just figure out how to freeze time, even just for a few moments a day, so that I could somehow slow down how quickly my boys are growing. It's going way too fast, and I'm definitely not ready for it.

To Keegan on Your Second Birthday

Dear Keegan,

Happy Birthday little man (I'm only a day late in getting this written...that's pretty good for your mommy)! I can hardly believe that you are already two years old. I still remember everything about the day that you were born like it happened yesterday. You continue to amaze me daily...just like you amazed me the day that you were born. I can't believe how much you have grown in the last year. It really is fascinating to see what a difference just one little year can make. Please slow down a little. I really want to enjoy this time in your life and you are quickly becoming such a little man and shedding your babyhood and it really just makes me want to cry. My favorite time of day is when you come running down the hall after your nap, arms laden with all of your possessions (or at least the ones that you have decided to carry around for the day) and you have the biggest smile on your face as you tell me that you are awake.

You seem to be growing by leaps and bounds. I looked at you this morning as we were getting ready to go to the doctor's and searched your little face and tried so hard to see the little baby that you just were and I could hardly find any trace of him. Last year you were walking...this year you are running, hopping, skipping and jumping your way through life. You are so much like me and so much like your dad and yet you still manage to be so much of your own little person. You are independent and stubborn and willful and adamant about the things that you want. You have your own schedule and know exactly what you are ready for. You are fearless now, willing to try anything that your dad and I expose you too. Your current favorite words are "bus" and "firefighter" and "vroom vroom vroom" for motorcycles/dirt bikes, scooters and snowmobiles. You are soaking up sign language like a little sponge and you are making it hard on your dad and I to keep up with you and all that you have learned. You love to be outside helping your dad in the yard, and you are so willing to help with the sweeping and the vacuuming around the house.

You are a fantastic older brother. I love watching you turn around in the shopping cart as we walk through Target and hearing your brother laughing at all that you do to keep him entertained and happy. I love to watch his face light up when you walk into the room. It shows just how much he loves you and already looks up to you as an example in his life. I love that you show concern for him when he is crying and that you let me know "Mama, baby cry" and that you go to him and rub his head and tell him that it's "otay baby." Thank you for being such a great older brother....Camden is so lucky to have you.

You are hope for a better and brighter and more fulfilling future. You are "Mi Mouse" and "Einsteins" and "Nining Time" in the mornings with puppy and snuggles and your cup of milk. You are a little mover and shaker whenever music comes on that seems to "speak" to you and makes you just have to dance (even when we are in the middle of Sports Authority looking for cold weather gear to bundle you up in). You are shaggy blonde hair and big, brilliant blue eyes. You are smiles and loves and hugs just because you can give them and you know how much your mommy and daddy and brother love getting them. You are animal sounds and animal signs. You are in your "big boy" bed and you fight with all your might when it comes to going to bed and yet you are so willing to take your nap in the afternoon. You are endless rides around the block on your bike, or your daddy's skateboard with your helmet on. You are pockets stuffed full of countless treasures and keys in hand ready to go out and face the world head on. You are cuddles on the couch (or the floor or your bed) and books pulled off the shelves and read over and over and over again. You are hymns sung in your own way (and at your own volume) during church and a solid "Amen" at the end of every prayer. You are smiles and "cheese's" for the camera. You are hats put on backward and "cool dudes" put on upside down (until you remember to turn them "round"). You are "just one more" when it comes to just about anything that you love (like candy and t.v. and books and time in the bath). You are serious and stoic and silly and at times you seem so much older than you actually are. You are the occasional temper tantrum and rolled eyes when I ask you to do something that you don't want to do. You are a quiet "tarry" whispered when you know that you have done something wrong. You are a little hand placed so confidently in my own, as if you know that I would give my life to keep you safe from all that is negative in this world. You are laughter and giggles and snorts and smashed bugs and just pure "boy" and you are the joy and light of my life.

Continue to challenge me...and continue to trust in me. Please stay fearless and compassionate and loving and generous and stubborn and willful. Continue to know what you want out of this life and never be afraid to go after it. There is so much that I want for you in this life and I'm going to do all that I can to make sure you get it. I love you, little man. Happy Birthday!!!

Love,
Mommy

Dear Winter Vacation

Dear Aspen, CO:

Yes, our little family of 4 is descending upon you and we can't wait, despite projected temperatures of 37 degrees during the day and 14 degrees at night, and a snowstorm on Friday and Saturday. Yes, we are woefully unprepared (for the moment) but I can't wait to introduce my boys to the snow for the very first time (somehow I think my extra baby weight just might be a good thing for the moment). Hopefully there will be lots of fun pictures (and no frostbite or injuries) to share upon our return.

Love,
The 3 snow bunnies and the snow whale

Dear San Diego, CA:

I love living here, you know I do, but at the same time 75+ degrees in the middle of January has gotten to be a bit much. I need to actually be reminded of the fact that it is winter. If this is a preview of what you have in store for me this summer, I really need to start stepping up the weight-loss so that I can be prepared for a very long, very hot swimsuit summer. Good thing I have two little water babies for children. Keep things warm while we are gone this week. I have a feeling we are going to be needing a good thaw when we return on Saturday.

Love,
The Sun-loving (and yet, still snow-bound) CRAZY family of 4

WANTED:

One Pre-Babies Body (A.K.A. "the former me")

Let's be honest, running (or any attempt at said exercise, or any other exercise for that matter) with 30+ extra pounds SUCKS and personally I'm a little sick of it all. Yes, I recognize that it is totally my fault. I didn't really exercise before babies (and naively, I thought that I didn't need to) and I was the one that gained 50 pounds with my first pregnancy and then didn't lose all of the weight before getting pregnant again (but I did lose quite a bit of it). And yes, I was much better with my weight gain the second time around and only gained the "recommended amount of weight", but it's not going away like it did with Keegan. I never really thought that it could be this hard. I have had to face some cold, hard truths about myself, like the fact that I lack the discipline and self-control to completely cut out sweets from my life (sorry, but I like my ice cream way too much) and that I eat because I'm bored, tired or simply because the food is there and I know that needs to stop. I'm willing to make the changes needed, but I really wish the it would happen a whole lot faster than I know that it will.

So, I'm offering a REWARD to anyone who can tell me where my former self is and how I can get it back ASAP (I'm talking lightning speed here folks). You can have all the yummy snacks and treats that I'm going to have to cut out of my life. If you have any information you know where and how to find me.

Catch Up Time

So I realize that I've been slacking a little...I didn't really do a Christmas post, and I haven't really done anything since before Camden's surgery and there's really no excuse. I don't have a ton of pictures from Christmas, because I happened to be holding the best present ever on my lap, but I did manage to capture a few images of the boys that day.

This was actually taken on Christmas eve once the boys were in bed. Because Camden and I had just gotten home that day we didn't really go anywhere for Christmas, which to be honest, was pretty nice. We woke up and had a leisurely breakfast of pancakes (in the shape of Santa, a snowman and a reindeer of course), eggs and bacon and eventually got around to opening our presents. I think that we were all a little spoiled in our own way this year. AJ's parents came up later that afternoon and brought a second round of presents, which Keegan loved. He got a bike this year from Grandma and Grandpa and has since proceeded to put 100's of miles on it. My parents came on the weekend which meant yet another round of presents. Keegan loved the books he got (and won't really share them with anyone else) and reads them multiple times, daily. Good thing he has his little chair now to read on.

For someone who had just gotten out of the hospital about 24 hours before, Camden was an amazingly happy little kid on Christmas. I mean...it was ridiculous. It probably had something to do with the fact that his mom had been holding him almost non-stop since we got home. Hmmmmm...good thing we've gotten back into our normal routine now.

New Year's Eve we went over to a friend's house for a little while, but had the boys home and in bed by 9. AJ was asleep by about 10 and I valiantly held on until about 11 before I realized it was silly to be awake when I could be sleeping (especially since I knew I would be getting up in a few hours to feed Camden) so I toasted the new year on my own and then went to bed. I guess some things change with age...and that's ok.

New Attitude for the New Year

I'm not really one for making resolutions....especially since I know that more than likely, I won't be keeping them past February (if even that long). This year, however, I am determined to embrace a new attitude on life, because honestly, I'm kind of tired of feeling just "blah" about everything.

So, here are some things I'm determined to work on for the new year (and yes, you can all hold me to these and remind me about my commitment when I start to falter a little):

1. I'm going to be a little bit more selfish this year. Yes, I realize that this sounds a little bit funny, but I need to spend a little bit of time each day thinking about and taking care of me. I mean, I have a gift certificate for a massage that I was given over a year and a half ago that I still haven't used. It's time to use it, and to do other things to make me feel a little bit better about myself. After all, if I want to be able to take care of all my boys as best as I possibly can, then I need to take care of myself as well. That entails making sure I get enough sleep (there's nothing wrong with napping when your kids are napping and I need to remember to do it), making sure I'm eating right (and not just eating because I'm bored, or tired or because the food is there), making sure I'm getting the exercise I need (and losing the weight that I need) because all of those things will help me be a better wife, mother, and individual.

2. I'm going to learn (or re-learn as the case may be) some new skills. I've had my mom's old sewing machine at my house for quite some time. It's time to pull it out, face my fears, and start sewing. I know how, it's just getting over my own self-doubt and starting just one project to get me going on others. I'm starting with a cape for Keegan for his birthday...granted he might not get it till next Christmas, but at least I'm starting. I have a camera that I want to learn how to use better. Why shouldn't I be able to take pictures of my own kids that I'm proud of. I need to start experimenting. I'm not planning on making a career out of it, but why not learn to do it on my own and save having to pay someone else to capture moments in my life. I want to learn how to cook better for my family...I want to try new recipes (I'm shooting for a new one each week) and experiment with different things that I might have been afraid of before. I've already started with making Camden's baby food, and I'm hoping that I can continue to do more.

3. I'm going to make sure that my boys get some "one on one time" with me each day. I love my boys and they are growing way too fast. I need to just slow life down a little and take some time each day to let them know how much they mean to me and how much I love them. I need this one on one time as much as I hope they do. I need the time to enjoy their smiles, and their laughter and their love without having to worry about dishes or dinner or laundry or anything else. There are some things in this life that can wait a little until tomorrow (or longer)...watching my kids grow and experiencing life with them is not one of those things. I don't want my kids to look back on their lives and wish that they would have been able to spend more time with me (if anything I want them to be sick of all the time that mom spends with them).

4. I'm going to reinstate "date night" at my house. Before Keegan was born, AJ and I had a weekly date night. While I recognize that this just might not work each week, I'm going to at least shoot for once a month (hopefully twice) so that AJ and I can take some time to reconnect with each other. He's busy with work and church callings and playing with the boys. I'm busy in my own way...and it's time we step away from our busy lives for a while and just focus on each other. We've got plenty of people we can ask to babysit, and it's time we start asking.

5. I'm going to support my husband more. AJ's a busy guy and I need to start doing more to help ease some of the stress and burdens on his shoulders. I need to help him meet the demands of his calling and be there when he needs me to go to the temple with him, or put together a spreadsheet for training in the scouting program, or whatever the case may be. He's always supported me and I want to make sure I do the same.

6. I'm going to become a tourist in my own city. I am lucky to live in a BEAUTIFUL city. AJ grew up here, so there's a lot of things that I would like to do and places I would like to visit that he's been to plenty of times and has no time (or desire) to go "one more time." These places are new to me, and for the moment, new to the boys, which means that they have been drafted to the position of "Mommy's little explorers." We are going to pretend we are tourists and take in all that this beautiful city has to offer to us. If nothing else, it will make us better hosts when family and friends come to visit because we'll know all sorts of cool places to visit and see.

7. I'm going to reconnect with life. That means reconnecting with old friends, making new ones and overall learning to fall in love with my life again. I have been so blessed in all that I have been given and I need to start showing my appreciation for it. I want to take vacations with my family (even if it's just camping in Carlsbad for a week or taking a day or two off to go to Disneyland or Sea World).

8. I'm not going to worry about the things I can't change. I can't make more money magically appear in our bank account and I can't make our mortgage disappear. I can't make my old car magically turn into a brand-new bigger one, nor can I make those extra 30 pounds just melt away and my pre-baby figure magically return. I can however, stop worrying about all of that and just work on the things I can change. The weight will go away eventually, as long as I work on it daily, and the mortgage will slowly disappear as long as we keep paying on it. I can't control the weather (and really, right now I have now wish too) and I can't change the economy, but I can stop stressing about it all.

So, here's to 2009 and a brand-spanking new attitude to go with it.